Midge

Today Midge turns 9.

Nine!

His last single digit birthday.  It makes me just a little sad, but I'm also so very proud of him!

This kid:

• has made huge leaps and bounds in his reading ability.  He's reading chapter books now and while he still struggles occasionally, he's much  more confident about it.
• draws dragons and ninjas and monsters quite often.  He's filled several notebooks with nothing but pictures of his "characters," sometimes with little notes about their specific abilities.
• chose to have the traditional Sunday morning pancakes for breakfast, but wanted cinnamon rolls to go along with them.
• always, always, always requests tacos when I ask for meal suggestions.
• loves cheeseburgers, but takes the pickles off and gives them to Bryant every time.
• wants to play games like Magic and Dungeons and Dragons, but isn't quite big enough to fully understand them, so he gets frustrated more often than is probably necessary.
• likes to go to the library and read the Big Book of Knowledge books - they are a set of kids' encyclopedias, each letter in a separate book.  He's checked out and perused almost all of them!
• is very into Clifford the Big Red Dog right now.
• sleeps with two Angry Birds toys, a blue stuffed bear and a wind up flashlight.
• has a fashion sense all his own.  His favorite clothes are either khaki slacks with a button down, vest and tie or (shaking my head slightly) silver pajama pants and a Manchester United shirt that hangs to his knees!  Fortunately, he almost always prefers the vest and tie look for leaving the house and is perfectly happy to keep the silver pants at home.
• loves Kit Kat bars and Slim Jims to an unhealthy level (not that either one was particularly healthy anyway...), but has to be forced to eat potatoes of any kind except fast food fries.  And even those he won't finish even a kid-sized order of.
• still refers to Cream Soda as "the party in your mouth pop."  I can't even tell you how many times I've gotten weird looks in the store when he starts talking about having a party in his mouth.  So thanks for that, Aunt Reva!
• asked me to Google bow ties so that he could see how other people are wearing them (what they are pairing them with, what styles they had, etc...), then immediately asked if he could have a bow tie of his own. 

So happy birthday, Midge!  We love you, Baby!

Tingtongs

About three months ago I ran out of croutons.  It was fairly near the beginning of our shopping cycle (we grocery shop only twice a month), so I resigned myself to living without my beloved croutons for the next couple of weeks. 

What I discovered instead, was that I quite enjoy my salad without croutons, too!  And since I eat far more salads than anyone else in this family, I just didn't bother to buy more.  The rest of the family has adjusted to the lack of croutons and for the most part, no one complains. 

But every now and again, I feel the desire for a nice pile of croutons on my salad.  What's a frugal Mom to do but find a way to make her own?

Here's what I do whenever I want croutons, but I don't want to buy them.

I grab a couple of hot dog or hamburger buns, dinner rolls or slices of bread - pretty much any bread product will work as long as the flavor of the bread is something you want to taste in your salad or soup.

I melt about a tablespoon of butter in a large skillet over medium heat.  And while the butter is melting, cut the bread into whatever size you want your croutons to be.  I tend to like a nice, big crouton, so I cut my bread accordingly. 

Then I throw the bread chunks into the skillet and stir them around to start sopping up the buttery goodness.  Toss in another tablespoon of butter and whatever seasonings sound good.  Today I threw in a spoonful of garlic bread seasoning, since we were having salads alongside pizza.  I like to play around with the seasonings and have rarely done the same blend twice. 

Keep stirring the croutons around occasionally as the second pat of butter melts so they all get coated in the butter and seasonings.  If the pan seems too hot, turn it down a bit and keep stirring.  Once the butter is completely melted, give the pan a shake and let the croutons cook for about 10 minutes, shaking the pan every couple minutes so that they brown on all sides.

When they're done, the croutons look like the outside of a grilled cheese sandwich - golden, slightly crispy and perfect!

These don't keep very well, so I only make as many as we'll eat right away.  We have never had leftovers, even when I've made a few too many!  The kids love these so much they often fight over who gets the last couple of them!

Oh, and the title of this post comes from my childhood.  Apparently I had a hard time saying "crouton"and instead called them "tingtongs."  I still do, occasionally, just for fun! 

Not so little anymore...

As we celebrate Scooter's 14th birthday today I can't help but think back over all the silly jokes, funny faces and brilliant, albeit slightly mischievous, ideas she's come up with over the years. 

Here is the link for last year's post, for anyone interested.

Some things about her:

• She's been reading the Warrior books by Erin Hunter for a few years now, most of them several times, and recently found out there was a manga version of a few of them.  They were the first things on her birthday wishlist.
• Still plays Pokemon as often as anyone will play with her. 
• Whenever we ask her to choose a DVD to watch, she picks Monty Python's Flying Circus - it is her absolute favorite show and she quotes it nearly constantly ("It wouldn't be an 'oop without an 'ole in it!)!
• Writes snarky commentary on my grocery list pretty much every week.
• Read some dragon drawing books and practiced until she was satisfied and has now taught Pookie and Midge how to draw basic dragons, too!
• She reads crazy fast, but comprehends everything.  If I had to guess I would say she devours at least half a dozen books per week, some fiction, some non.
• Asked for some kind of book about raptors (the birds, not the dinos) this year and was thrilled when she opened the Photographic Guide to Raptors of North America that we got for her.  I imagine it will go everywhere with us for a while.
• She has taken it upon herself to learn the names of most common birds, bugs, spiders and snakes in the area and can often be found flipping over rocks or taking the bark off fallen logs just so she can see what's hiding there. 
• She still sleeps with Big Kitty, a marmalade stuffed cat that my Mom got for her on her first birthday.  Big Kitty has been a constant in her life since then, traveling with us, keeping her company when she's sick and comforting her when she's scared.
• Whenever her Dad picks on her she tells him to be careful because she's "a fragile bean."  Now he refers to her as a legume. 
• She helped Bryant install a wiring harness for a trailer into the van today.  I doubt she'd admit it, but I think she had fun!

Now she's telling me she's ready for cake and ice cream, so that'll be it for this year's post. 

Happy birthday, Scooter!  We love you!

Running

I started a Couch to 5K program with the intention of getting healthier, losing weight and (hopefully) controlling my blood pressure a little more naturally.  The program I chose is 10 weeks and has me running three or four days each week with yoga and/or strength training the other days and one day of rest each week. 

I'm halfway through the fourth week and I've learned a few things about running and about myself.

First off, I hate running without music.  Actually I almost always have music on, so this wasn't a real shock.  I figured out how to create a playlist on my phone and chose a couple dozen songs that I thought would keep me motivated. 

Which brings me to the second thing I learned; a song called Harder to Breathe, no matter how catchy, is a crappy running song.  The first time it came on while I was running, I was nearing the end of my run and I was already tired and sore.  Having the lyrics, "it's getting harder and harder to breathe" in my ears did not help!!  That one came off my playlist pretty stinkin' quick!

And it turns out I have relatively flat feet.  After about two weeks of running I was feeling pain in my feet within minutes of starting.  A quick Q & A session with a shoe knowledgeable friend and I was on my way to arch support inserts!  I found some very pricey ones that come with several recommendations from friends, but until I was sure they would do the trick, I chose less expensive ones.  So far, so good!

I have also found that I need to run or workout first thing in the morning or it just isn't going to happen.  I am most definitely not a morning person, but by having my running clothes ready to go, I can get dressed and already be in the right frame of mind to get out the door.  I typically fix Bryant's breakfast and a little something for me, then I run and have a small snack when I get back, before my shower.  That routine seems to work for me, so I'm sticking to it.  Even on days like today, when I have an appointment in town that I have to leave at 8 AM for!  It took some mental arguing, but I did it!!  Six months ago, I would have laughed in your face if you'd told me I'd be getting up at the crack of dawn to go run around my yard and driveway, but here I am, doing just that!

By far the most depressing thing I learned is that my scale does not differentiate between muscle and fat.  This past week I had a fairly large weight gain and it nearly made me give up in frustration and rage.  How could I possibly have gained so much when I was exercising every day and eating healthy?  It didn't seem possible. 

Yesterday I had my annual physical and during my appointment, I mentioned to my doctor that I was four weeks into a C25K program.  Her immediate response was, "Did you gain weight this week?"  Yes, yes I did.  She explained that I was right on track then, because the initial loss is fat, but then there's all that muscle being built up and that weighs significantly more than fat.  So I'm trying not to let it get me down.  I know in my head that by working the program and taking the time to exercise and focus on my eating I am becoming healthier, even if my scale doesn't reflect it yet. I know it will eventually.

Which brings me to the most exciting thing!  I took my measurements before I started, so I could have a baseline to compare against, then again the second week and then this week.  I'm aiming for an every other week schedule during the 10 week program and then I'll drop it back to once a month, I think.  Anyway, my point is that while the scale is not being kind, the measuring tape is!  I'm losing inches, even as I gain weight!! 

I've tried lots of exercise programs over the years, but this one feels right, like it fits me.  I'm looking forward to running for a good long time!

The Boy, nearly The Man

When I was young, I would hear adults talk about how time moved so quickly, how years fade into moments and a lifetime can go by in the blink of an eye.  I honestly thought they were crazy.  Days dragged on forever when I was a child and each year Christmas and my birthday seemed to move further apart!

Now that I'm an adult, I see exactly what they meant. Today we celebrate The Boy's 17th birthday and no matter how hard I try to remember, I don't know where those years went. 

As I sit here trying to write this post, my eyes keep welling up with tears.  Maybe I'm just extra emotional lately, maybe I'm just so tired that everything is either hilarious or tragic or maybe it's just that my tiny little baby is now the same age as I was when he was born.

That little angel grew up into a man who:

• took driver's training and now has a learner's permit.
• is expanding his cooking repertoire to include more complex dishes and desserts, but he still doesn't like to make bread or work with dough at all.
• continues to read voraciously.  We visit our local library at least twice a month and he always finds at least half a dozen books to bring home and he's raided my bookshelf on more than one occasion.
• loves to watch DVDs and probably misses commercial television more than any of the rest of us.
• plays video games every day, rotating systems on a schedule that he set up for himself.
• gave us a birthday wishlist that was almost entirely games, DVDs and books.
• can now reach the top shelf of the kitchen cupboards without a stool and often puts away the dishes that belong up there, even if it's not his turn to do dishes.
• still draws a lot, mostly aliens and fantasy creatures.
• loves to go to the range and is particularly fond of shooting Bryant's rifles.
• can often be found shooting hoops in the driveway in the afternoon and early evening.
• plays Wii Sports Resort with me at least a few times a week - we usually bowl or play Frisbee golf.

Here's a link to last year's post.


Happy birthday, Baby!  We love you!

The end of an era

Over a decade ago, when The Boy was just a little guy, we bought a bike for him.  It's a cute little black bike that says Tomcat on the side.  We put training wheels on it and he rode it until he was too big for it.  Scooter rode it a little, but moved on to a bike without training wheels pretty quickly. Pibb rode it until he was too big for it and then Midge did the same.

Pookie started riding it last year and this spring we realized he was nearly too big for it already.  Last week we made the bittersweet decision to buy him a larger bike.  As I watched him ride Tomcat for the last time I couldn't help but feel a sadness in my heart; my babies are growing up.  At the same time, I am so proud of them that sometimes I feel like I might burst open from it!

When Pookie pedalled away on his new Rock-It bike I felt my heart sink and then expand with love and pride.  Tomcat will be rehomed to provide years of fun for some other family and my kids will continue to grow and amaze me with their intelligence, love and humor. 

Sad as it sometimes makes me, then end of an era isn't always a bad thing!

Peanut Butter Cup Cookies

Blogging is something I think about often, but rarely while I'm actually doing a project.  In the planning stages I usually think to myself that I should set up the camera and make sure to take lots of pictures, but I almost never actually remember to do it!  So today's post is the recipe for the Peanut Butter Cup Cookies so many of you have asked for, presented without photos.  Enjoy!!

Peanut Butter Cup Cookies

Makes 32 cookies

1 ½ C all purpose flour

½ C unsweetened cocoa powder

½ tsp baking soda

½ C butter, softened

¼ C creamy peanut butter

½ C granulated sugar

½ C packed brown sugar

1 egg

1 Tbsp milk

1 tsp vanilla extract

¾ C confectioner’s sugar

½ C creamy peanut butter

2 Tbsp granulated sugar

Preheat oven to 350*.  In a medium bowl, stir together flour, cocoa powder and baking soda and marvel at how pretty the mixture looks with the brown marbled throughout the white; set aside.

In a large bowl combine butter and ¼ C peanut butter.  Beat with an electric mixer for about 30 seconds or until mostly blended.  Add the ½ C granulated sugar and brown sugar.  Beat until well combined, scraping sides of the bowl occasionally, if necessary.  Beat in egg, milk and vanilla until combined.  Add in as much of the flour mixture as you can with the mixer, then add the rest by hand or stir it in with a spoon. 

On a sheet of waxed paper, cookie sheet or counter, roll the dough into a thick log and cut into 32 even pieces (I cut the log into fourths, the cut each slice into 8 even pieces).

In a medium bowl, combine the ¾ C confectioner’s sugar and ½ C peanut butter by hand until it resembles the texture of play-dough.  It will feel like it’s too dry and it’ll never come together, but keep working it and I promise, it’ll happen.  Repeat the rolling and cutting step. 

You should now have 64 globs of dough, 32 dark brown and 32 light brown.  Take a ball of the dark mixture and roll it between your hands, then flatten it into a disc.  Place a piece of the light brown dough in the center of the disc and gather the dark dough up around it, then roll it into a ball. 

The finished dough balls should be placed about 2 inches apart on a cookie sheet (no need to grease it).  Using the bottom of a glass, a hamburger press or whatever you have handy, flatten the cookies gently, dipping the glass into the 2 T sugar to coat the cookies and keep the glass from sticking. 

Bake about 8 minutes or until the surface is set and the edges are cracked a bit.  Let the cookies cool on the pan for a minute or two; transfer them to a wire rack to cool completely. 

The original recipe said these would last at room temperature for up to 4 days, but honestly, these cookies are such a hit that I’ve never had them last more than 24 hours!  They can be frozen (between layers of waxed paper) for up to three months, though, so you could feasibly make them last longer if you really wanted to. 

Six is a big deal!

I didn't blog on Pookie's birthday this past week because I was just too busy (crazy, right?), so today I'm rectifying that.  Here is last year's post, if you're interested in seeing the differences.

My Pookie...

• believes that six is a big deal birthday because that's when you go from being a little kid to being a big kid. 
• Still tells me he's empty of my loving in the  morning and periodically throughout the day, especially if he's lonely or upset.  It's his way of getting a little snuggle time.
• is still terrified of dogs, but has gotten past the fear of wind, for the most part. 
• loves to help The Boy make cookies; that's just one of the many things they enjoy doing together.
• continues to sleep with Stuffy and Big Abner, a stuffed bunny and Lego man flashlight, respectively.
• would wear pajamas all the time if we'd let him!
• is starting to read some simple words and is very interested in learning more.
• got his own library card a year ago, but only recently got over his shyness enough to use it on his own.  Before that, he'd just ask me to put his books on my card and then he'd hide behind me while I checked out.  Now he smiles and talks to the librarians!
• finally figured out that "all right" and "all white" aren't actually the same thing.
• he doesn't particularly like to play in the snow, but he loves throwing snowballs at people, especially The Boy and Scooter!
• doesn't crawl into our bed nearly as much as he did even a year ago.
• asks me every night what we're having for breakfast the next day and on Saturday night he gets super excited for the next morning's pancakes!
• plays almost exclusively with Legos and Matchbox cars.
• just got on his bike and rode one day not long ago; without training wheels or help from anyone, he just figured it out and hasn't slowed down since!
• loves to play with dough and continues to ask me for a little ball of it each time I make bread.

Happy birthday to my sweet little angel face baby!!

My perspective changed

I considered putting a warning here to let you know that this post might offend some people or

 gross people out or otherwise just be off-putting, but then I realized that was silly. 

Those things apply to every post, conversation or exchange of thoughts and/or information. 

So instead of a "warning" I'll simply leave it at this: 

 As always, if you find that what I've written isn't your cup of tea, feel free to go read something else.

One thing I absolutely hate is throwing things away.  If you've seen my house, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.  I have papers from a decade ago, clothes that haven't fit anyone in years and boxes of little odds and ends that might come in handy someday. 

I'm getting better about throwing things out when they're no longer necessary or desirable, but in learning to toss things out, I've become more aware of things I throw away without a second thought.  I used to laugh at people who washed out and reused zipper top bags or refused to buy paper towels when cloth ones would work just as well. 

I don't know if it's a symptom of getting older or a matter of the constant media barrage of "green" living, but I've started to change my thinking.

One area where I've never given a second thought to "consuming" and throwing out is feminine products.  We're taught from a very young age to simply buy pads and tampons, use them up and throw them out, but have you ever stopped to really think about that? 

A March-April 2001 article in E Magazine cites waste consultant Franklin Associates’ assertion that 6.5 billion tampons and 13.5 billion sanitary pads, PLUS their packaging, ended up in landfills or sewer systems in 1998.

That's a whole lot of garbage!  And it's not just in the landfills; according to the Center for Marine Conservation just over 170,000 tampon applicators were collected along US Shorelines in 1999!

The more I thought about this, the more I realized that not only was I throwing away quite a bit, I was also spending a lot of money on products I was using for a few hours and then throwing out! 

So I started looking for alternatives.  I considered products like reusable pads, but decided that while that's a good back up and probably something I'll start using soon enough, it's not really a solution I'm willing to use exclusively.  

In the end, I decided to try a menstrual cup.  After doing quite a bit of research I decided to buy a Diva Cup (even though I hate the name) brand menstrual cup.  Diva Cups come in two sizes (for those who have had children or are above a certain age and for those who are young and haven't had kids) which makes it easy to find the best fit for your body.

I paid less than $30 for my cup nearly a year ago and I love it!  If you follow the link and read the reviews you'll see that some people love them and some people don't. 

The first time I used my cup, I hated it.  It's inserted differently than a tampon and years of doing it one way left me feeling awkward and uncoordinated when I tried to change to a new way of doing things.  But, as with so many things in life, persistence is key.  After a few tries, I did get it inserted properly and that's when I knew I wasn't going back to disposable products.

Just like a tampon, if you have it in properly, it doesn't hurt. Unlike a tampon, however, there is a little adjustment because the stem of the cup actually ends near the edge of the vagina, so you can feel it a little until you get used to it. The stem can be trimmed for a custom fit, but since that's where you grab it to pull the cup out, it needs to have a little length.

Here's a little pros and cons comparison:

Pros:

• Extremely cost effective.  I've read of people using the same cup up to 10 years, but even if you only use it for one year, that's very likely a financial savings over pads/tampons/pantyliners.
• Environmentally friendly.  The cup comes in a box and has a little booklet of instructions.  Compare that to the box, individual wrapping, applicator and actual tampon or pad and you'll see that's a huge amount of waste not being added to landfills!
• Convenience.  The cup can be practiced with when you're not actually on your cycle, making it less messy and less stressful to become comfortable with.  Also, the cup can be worn up to 12 hours unless your cycles are extremely heavy, so you don't really have to think about it most of the time. 
• Safety: Unlike tampons, the cup has no risk of Toxic Shock Syndrome, a serious and potentially fatal illness.  That means that if you know when to expect Aunt Flo you can wear the cup before she arrives, knowing that you're safe and your clothing will be protected, no matter when she decides to show up!
• Vaginal cleanliness:  A menstrual cup allows the vagina to self-clean the way nature intended.  It doesn't allow uninvited bacteria to thrive and grow and many women report having less itching, infection and other adverse reactions with a cup than with tampons.

Cons:

• Start up cost:  Compared to a $5 box of tampons, it's a bit more money to get started with a cup.  But, again, in the long run, this one really isn't a con at all. 
• Blood:  Depending on how well you deal with your own fluids, this might take some getting used to.  I don't find it to be a big deal, but I know some people have a hard time with it.
• Adjustment period:  It takes about three cycles for most women to be really comfortable with the cup.  For me, that wasn't really a big problem, but for some people it might be a detraction. 

Part of the reason I wanted to write this post is because when I was looking for information, I couldn't find a lot of it out there.  Sure, each cup manufacturer has their own site, but I rarely trust the information on a site that's trying to sell me something.  I want to know, from real people, what to expect. 

I don't know if anyone reading this will ever choose to try a cup, but whether you do or not, at least you know where you can find a little information about it.  And please, if you want more information, feel free to leave a comment or email. 

Tabled

I don't even remember why, but a few years ago we sort of stopped eating dinner at the table.  I'm sure it had something to do with the mess of schooling and not wanting to take the time to pull apart projects to put things away when we'd just want them out again the next day.  So we got into the habit of eating in the living room.  With dinner, we'd put on a movie and just eat and watch with very little talking.

Every now and again I'd say that we should eat at the table more often (we did still eat at the table once or twice a month, but as we went along it got less and less often), but the habit of eating in the living room was already established. 

A few weeks ago I asked the kids to set the table for dinner and got nothing but a chorus of moans, groans and snarky commentary.  In a fit of frustration I yelled at them that we would eat every single meal at the table from now on until they stopped grumping about it.

At first they resented having to clear and set the table three times a day.  They grumped and complained and pitched fits every chance they had, but I stood firm to my decision and within just a few days they weren't cranky about it anymore. 

It's been almost a month and the benefits have been great!  Firstly, the dining room table is easy to keep clean because it only has a couple of hours to get messy before it we have to clean it again!  Yeah, it's a pain to clean up our school stuff just to get it out again after lunch, but the kids don't seem to mind too much. 

Secondly, we're spending every mealtime together, talking and playing and sharing our thoughts.  I know we spend a lot of time together, but when we're all scattered around the house and yard it's hard to really connect.  This time together has allowed us to all slow down and really appreciate each other.  Plus, at dinner time we've started a sort of game.  Before they can get away from the table, each person has to do something fun or silly.  One day the kids each had to choose a parent to arm wrestle before they could get up from the table.  Another time they all had to make silly noises and faces.  It's a fun little game that gives us an excuse to laugh at ourselves and each other. 

Finally, portion control is much easier to maintain when we're all around the table.  Not only am I able to clearly see how much each kid is eating, but I'm also more likely to go out of my way to watch my portion sizes!

Eating together at the table has proved to be a wonderful addition to our usual routines!  I encourage each of you to sit together and share a meal with someone you love!

I picked a bad day to quit sniffing glue!

So it's been a full week since I had any Diet Pepsi.  Here's what I've learned in that time:

1 - Having a water bottle that doesn't have a Diet Pepsi label on it makes a huge difference for me.  I'd been using a liter Pepsi bottle as a water bottle, but every time I looked at that label it made me want Pepsi even more.  When I bought a reuseable water bottle, I stopped thinking about Pepsi every second of the day.

2 - Using that water bottle also helps a ton!  I find it much easier to dismiss my craving for Pepsi when I'm properly hydrated.  If I'm already wanting Pepsi and I'm physically thirsty it's almost impossible to ignore it. 

3 - Quitting something like caffeine (especially when it's at least as much an emotional addiction as physical) the day before Aunt Flo visits is really, really hard.  If I'd known the timing was going to be so inconvenient I probably would have put it off.  But then I probably wouldn't have actually quit, so maybe it's for the best. 

4 - Going to the movies and not drinking pop is difficult.  Bryant and I saw One For the Money last night and I had to sneak my water bottle in because I can't eat popcorn without a drink and there is no way I'm paying $5 for a liter of water!  It's just not going to happen. 

5 - There's not a lot I can drink without increasing my caloric intake.  We stopped at a restaurant and I had a lemonade, but then I realized that lemonade is made with a lot of sugar.  Lots of sugar means lots of calories.  Since I was drinking a calorie free drink all this time, I'm limited in what I can substitute with that won't add a bunch of sugar and calories and mean lots of extra exercise time to work off!  So I'm pretty much only drinking water at home and I'm trying to find acceptable substitutes for when I'm out and about or when I'm sick of just plain old water. 

6 - Apparently I am stronger than my addiction and more capable of giving this up than I'd previously thought.  It's still very hard and I still have to remind myself every day of the reasons I'm doing this, but each day it gets a little bit easier. 

So that's where I'm at so far.  Seven days in and going strong!

Decisions

If you know me at all, you know that I don't drink alcohol, smoke or do any drugs not suggested by my doctor.  I don't engage in dangerous, illegal or self-destructive behaviors. 

What I do, what I'm addicted to, is Diet Pepsi.  I've known for a long time that it was a little out of control, but I've always used the excuse that if it's the worst thing I do, it's not so bad.  But Bryant has been annoyed at the amount of money we spend on it and it's gotten to the point where if I drink too much, it makes me feel sick, light headed and just gross in general. 

So why keep drinking it?  Because I love to eat a chocolate and then rinse my mouth out with a swig of that carbonated deliciousness.  Because I love the feel of the bubbles in my mouth.  Because the taste goes with everything, especially junk food.  Because it's habit.

So let's break that down.  If I eat chocolate, I want to drink Pepsi.  I've actually been known to avoid chocolate and other junk if I don't have a Pepsi, because I don't like the feel and flavor of water with junk food.  I realize that's not normal.  I also realize that for me, Diet Pepsi and junk food go hand in hand.  Either one would be easier to give up if I gave up the other at the same time. 

I love the feel of bubbles in my mouth.  I don't know that there's much to be done about this one.  I do love that feeling, and I don't think I can get it anywhere else (besides other forms of carbonated beverage, which would really not help my problem).  The only other option I can think of is carbonated water - a possibility I'm willing to consider.

The taste goes with everything.  It does.  It's as simple as that.  There are very few foods that just don't go with it, in my opinion.  And maybe that's because I've been drinking it with everything for 15 years.  Sometimes I get up and have a glass or bottle with breakfast, sometimes I'm drinking it up until a few minutes before I get into bed at night.  Sometimes I nurse a bottle pretty much all day.

The habit.  That's the biggest one for me.  If I have a headache, I reach for a Pepsi.  If I'm tired, a Pepsi.  If I'm lonely, sad, happy, bored or motivated....

Pepsi!

Pepsi!

Pepsi!

PEPSI!

PEPSI!

PEPSI!!

When we got to a store, for any reason, I buy at least a 20 oz, sometimes a 2 liter, sometimes both.  We got to a restaurant and I drink Diet Pepsi (Diet Coke is an acceptable substitute if Pepsi is unavailable, though I'd much prefer Pepsi).  We take a trip and I have at least one bottle in the car with me, then buy more when we reach our destination.  It has become my habit to have a Pepsi bottle in my hand, on the table next to me or in my cupholder. 

It has become a point of contention between Bryant and myself on more than one occasion.  He doesn't try to stop me from buying it, but he recognized a long time ago that I was out of control.  I've scrounged change out of the couch cushions to buy Pepsi when money has been tight.  I leave a little buffer in the grocery budget so I won't feel bad about spending a few dollars on Pepsi.  I've asked Bryant to go out of his way to get it for me, even when he wasn't feeling well or the weather was bad. 

Somehow, with all of that, I'd still convinced myself that it really wasn't a big deal.  Until recently.  A few weeks ago, Bryant half joking asked me, "Do you have any idea how much money we spend on Pepsi?"  Obviously I didn't, but I was sure it couldn't be as bad as all that.  I was sure he was just overreacting and it wasn't really a big deal. 

Determined to show him that it really wasn't such a huge amount, I started a tracker on the back of one of my notebooks.  I made a section for 2 liters, 1 liters, 20 oz bottles and Sam's cups.  I decided not to track glasses at restaurants as those would come with the meal.  I made a hash mark in the proper column each time we bought one. 

After a week, I found myself adding hash marks and studiously avoiding looking at how many hash marks there already were.  After two weeks, I actually considered "forgetting" to log a few because it was clearly getting to be a lot more hash marks than I'd expected. 

This morning marks three weeks of tracking.  I promised myself that would track for a month, but this morning as I was adding yet another hash mark, I decided it was a good time to just do a little progress check. 

Wow. 

I was shocked at the numbers.  I debated whether or not to post them, but I figure if you're still reading this, maybe you want to know.  Or maybe I should just put it out there anyway, because it's good for me to be completely honest about just how serious this problem is. 

2 liters - 9 = 608.4 oz
1 liters - 4 = 85.2 oz
20 oz - 4 = 80 oz
Sam's glasses - 1 = 32 oz

That's a total of 805.6 oz in three weeks, not counting any Pepsi I've had at restaurants (which has been a few glasses).  That breaks down to 38.36 oz per day.  Yikes!  If we use that information to answer Bryant's original question...  Well, that's an ever bigger yikes!

Using general prices (as these were not all purchased from the same store so prices may vary a bit), that equals out to just about $30 in three weeks.  That's about $10 a week or over $500 a year! 

$500 a year?!?  That's insane.  I'm paying hundreds of dollars a year to pour poison into my body! 

And, if you consider one of the points above was that I like to have Pepsi and junk food together, it gets even worse.  I haven't tracked any junk, but just from memory I know that I've bought bags of chips, bags of candy, cookies and other junk.  Sometimes it's just a tiny bag (snack size bag of Combos or cookies), sometimes it's a full size bag of Doritos. 

I'm not quite ready to give up junk food, but as of this moment, I'm done with Pepsi.  I've poured out the glass I was drinking and told Bryant that he could drink what was left in the bottle or I was going to pour it out, too. 





Everything before this was written yesterday.  I just reread it and I still feel the same way.  It's been almost 24 hours since I had any Pepsi and I'm starting to feel the loss.  Bryant and I made a quick trip to the grocery store a bit ago and it was really hard for me to walk out without any Pepsi.  But I did it!

I feel like I should have some poignant, clever thing to end with, but my head is aching and I don't have anything witty, touching or particularly special to say, so I'll end with this:

Be good to your body and to each other.

If I Were A Banned Book

Presented without commentary...


If I Were A Banned Book
Nov. 30, 2011
By William Henderson




If I were a banned book, I’d be the dirty bits and the heaving breasts and the twisted sheets and the scented oils and the chains and rope and dripping candle wax. I would coax you into multiples, and I would urge you to invite another. I’d be the empty bottle of gin on the kitchen table. I’d promise to call, but never would.

If I were a banned book, I’d tell you to challenge authority and question everything and demand answers. I’d tell you that the 1 percent is nothing without the rest of us labeling the 1 percent the 1 percent. I’d teach you to cook anarchy and embrace diversity and kiss your same-gender lover in public.

If I were a banned book, I’d let you ask me about sex and growing up, and I’d sing the caged-bird songs, and I’d be each of the nobodies who would answer to the name nobody. I’d teach you to sail a raft and swim against tides and dance in towns where dances aren’t danced.

If I were a banned book, I’d be the light on long-past midnight in your attic, and I’d be the cauldron around which dance witches and in which fire burns and toil and trouble doubles.

If I were a banned book, I’d bring flowers to the grave of a mouse and I’d teach you that forever sometimes means forever and sometimes means less than forever but always means what forever will mean to you, then, at that moment.

If I were a banned book, I’d be the secrets you write in your diary and I’d be the lies you write in your diary and I’d be the truths that you wish weren’t truths that you write in your diary.

If I were a banned book, I’d be cupboards and wardrobes and the hidden door under a stairwell in which lives the boy who lived. I’d be beanstalks and magic shoes and godmothers, winged and otherwise. I’d be potion poultice poetry. I’d be words wings wizardry.

If I were a banned book, I’d dance with insects outside of an enormous peach, and I’d race wolves in woods overgrown with ivy and snow. I’d be the substitute teacher who’d let you smoke cigarettes outside. I’d be the comic book hidden behind your history book.

If I were a banned book, I’d urge you to go ask Alice, and wrinkle time, and ride in talking cars. Everyday, I’d crown a new king fly-lord, and everyday would be a good day to say goodbye to something.

If I were a banned book, I’d be the Pigman and I’d be a Wallflower and I’d be the story of Sleeping Beauty, written under a penname. I’d kill mockingbirds and I’d talk about the things we talk about when we talk about things like death and love and sex and forever, which, as I already would have taught you, sometimes means less than forever but always mean what forever will mean to you, then, at that moment.