So it's been a full week since I had any Diet Pepsi. Here's what I've learned in that time:
1 - Having a water bottle that doesn't have a Diet Pepsi label on it makes a huge difference for me. I'd been using a liter Pepsi bottle as a water bottle, but every time I looked at that label it made me want Pepsi even more. When I bought a reuseable water bottle, I stopped thinking about Pepsi every second of the day.
2 - Using that water bottle also helps a ton! I find it much easier to dismiss my craving for Pepsi when I'm properly hydrated. If I'm already wanting Pepsi and I'm physically thirsty it's almost impossible to ignore it.
3 - Quitting something like caffeine (especially when it's at least as much an emotional addiction as physical) the day before Aunt Flo visits is really, really hard. If I'd known the timing was going to be so inconvenient I probably would have put it off. But then I probably wouldn't have actually quit, so maybe it's for the best.
4 - Going to the movies and not drinking pop is difficult. Bryant and I saw One For the Money last night and I had to sneak my water bottle in because I can't eat popcorn without a drink and there is no way I'm paying $5 for a liter of water! It's just not going to happen.
5 - There's not a lot I can drink without increasing my caloric intake. We stopped at a restaurant and I had a lemonade, but then I realized that lemonade is made with a lot of sugar. Lots of sugar means lots of calories. Since I was drinking a calorie free drink all this time, I'm limited in what I can substitute with that won't add a bunch of sugar and calories and mean lots of extra exercise time to work off! So I'm pretty much only drinking water at home and I'm trying to find acceptable substitutes for when I'm out and about or when I'm sick of just plain old water.
6 - Apparently I am stronger than my addiction and more capable of giving this up than I'd previously thought. It's still very hard and I still have to remind myself every day of the reasons I'm doing this, but each day it gets a little bit easier.
So that's where I'm at so far. Seven days in and going strong!
Monday, January 30, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Decisions
If you know me at all, you know that I don't drink alcohol, smoke or do any drugs not suggested by my doctor. I don't engage in dangerous, illegal or self-destructive behaviors.
What I do, what I'm addicted to, is Diet Pepsi. I've known for a long time that it was a little out of control, but I've always used the excuse that if it's the worst thing I do, it's not so bad. But Bryant has been annoyed at the amount of money we spend on it and it's gotten to the point where if I drink too much, it makes me feel sick, light headed and just gross in general.
So why keep drinking it? Because I love to eat a chocolate and then rinse my mouth out with a swig of that carbonated deliciousness. Because I love the feel of the bubbles in my mouth. Because the taste goes with everything, especially junk food. Because it's habit.
So let's break that down. If I eat chocolate, I want to drink Pepsi. I've actually been known to avoid chocolate and other junk if I don't have a Pepsi, because I don't like the feel and flavor of water with junk food. I realize that's not normal. I also realize that for me, Diet Pepsi and junk food go hand in hand. Either one would be easier to give up if I gave up the other at the same time.
I love the feel of bubbles in my mouth. I don't know that there's much to be done about this one. I do love that feeling, and I don't think I can get it anywhere else (besides other forms of carbonated beverage, which would really not help my problem). The only other option I can think of is carbonated water - a possibility I'm willing to consider.
The taste goes with everything. It does. It's as simple as that. There are very few foods that just don't go with it, in my opinion. And maybe that's because I've been drinking it with everything for 15 years. Sometimes I get up and have a glass or bottle with breakfast, sometimes I'm drinking it up until a few minutes before I get into bed at night. Sometimes I nurse a bottle pretty much all day.
The habit. That's the biggest one for me. If I have a headache, I reach for a Pepsi. If I'm tired, a Pepsi. If I'm lonely, sad, happy, bored or motivated....
When we got to a store, for any reason, I buy at least a 20 oz, sometimes a 2 liter, sometimes both. We got to a restaurant and I drink Diet Pepsi (Diet Coke is an acceptable substitute if Pepsi is unavailable, though I'd much prefer Pepsi). We take a trip and I have at least one bottle in the car with me, then buy more when we reach our destination. It has become my habit to have a Pepsi bottle in my hand, on the table next to me or in my cupholder.
It has become a point of contention between Bryant and myself on more than one occasion. He doesn't try to stop me from buying it, but he recognized a long time ago that I was out of control. I've scrounged change out of the couch cushions to buy Pepsi when money has been tight. I leave a little buffer in the grocery budget so I won't feel bad about spending a few dollars on Pepsi. I've asked Bryant to go out of his way to get it for me, even when he wasn't feeling well or the weather was bad.
Somehow, with all of that, I'd still convinced myself that it really wasn't a big deal. Until recently. A few weeks ago, Bryant half joking asked me, "Do you have any idea how much money we spend on Pepsi?" Obviously I didn't, but I was sure it couldn't be as bad as all that. I was sure he was just overreacting and it wasn't really a big deal.
Determined to show him that it really wasn't such a huge amount, I started a tracker on the back of one of my notebooks. I made a section for 2 liters, 1 liters, 20 oz bottles and Sam's cups. I decided not to track glasses at restaurants as those would come with the meal. I made a hash mark in the proper column each time we bought one.
After a week, I found myself adding hash marks and studiously avoiding looking at how many hash marks there already were. After two weeks, I actually considered "forgetting" to log a few because it was clearly getting to be a lot more hash marks than I'd expected.
This morning marks three weeks of tracking. I promised myself that would track for a month, but this morning as I was adding yet another hash mark, I decided it was a good time to just do a little progress check.
Wow.
I was shocked at the numbers. I debated whether or not to post them, but I figure if you're still reading this, maybe you want to know. Or maybe I should just put it out there anyway, because it's good for me to be completely honest about just how serious this problem is.
2 liters - 9 = 608.4 oz
1 liters - 4 = 85.2 oz
20 oz - 4 = 80 oz
Sam's glasses - 1 = 32 oz
That's a total of 805.6 oz in three weeks, not counting any Pepsi I've had at restaurants (which has been a few glasses). That breaks down to 38.36 oz per day. Yikes! If we use that information to answer Bryant's original question... Well, that's an ever bigger yikes!
Using general prices (as these were not all purchased from the same store so prices may vary a bit), that equals out to just about $30 in three weeks. That's about $10 a week or over $500 a year!
$500 a year?!? That's insane. I'm paying hundreds of dollars a year to pour poison into my body!
And, if you consider one of the points above was that I like to have Pepsi and junk food together, it gets even worse. I haven't tracked any junk, but just from memory I know that I've bought bags of chips, bags of candy, cookies and other junk. Sometimes it's just a tiny bag (snack size bag of Combos or cookies), sometimes it's a full size bag of Doritos.
I'm not quite ready to give up junk food, but as of this moment, I'm done with Pepsi. I've poured out the glass I was drinking and told Bryant that he could drink what was left in the bottle or I was going to pour it out, too.
Everything before this was written yesterday. I just reread it and I still feel the same way. It's been almost 24 hours since I had any Pepsi and I'm starting to feel the loss. Bryant and I made a quick trip to the grocery store a bit ago and it was really hard for me to walk out without any Pepsi. But I did it!
I feel like I should have some poignant, clever thing to end with, but my head is aching and I don't have anything witty, touching or particularly special to say, so I'll end with this:
Be good to your body and to each other.
What I do, what I'm addicted to, is Diet Pepsi. I've known for a long time that it was a little out of control, but I've always used the excuse that if it's the worst thing I do, it's not so bad. But Bryant has been annoyed at the amount of money we spend on it and it's gotten to the point where if I drink too much, it makes me feel sick, light headed and just gross in general.
So why keep drinking it? Because I love to eat a chocolate and then rinse my mouth out with a swig of that carbonated deliciousness. Because I love the feel of the bubbles in my mouth. Because the taste goes with everything, especially junk food. Because it's habit.
So let's break that down. If I eat chocolate, I want to drink Pepsi. I've actually been known to avoid chocolate and other junk if I don't have a Pepsi, because I don't like the feel and flavor of water with junk food. I realize that's not normal. I also realize that for me, Diet Pepsi and junk food go hand in hand. Either one would be easier to give up if I gave up the other at the same time.
I love the feel of bubbles in my mouth. I don't know that there's much to be done about this one. I do love that feeling, and I don't think I can get it anywhere else (besides other forms of carbonated beverage, which would really not help my problem). The only other option I can think of is carbonated water - a possibility I'm willing to consider.
The taste goes with everything. It does. It's as simple as that. There are very few foods that just don't go with it, in my opinion. And maybe that's because I've been drinking it with everything for 15 years. Sometimes I get up and have a glass or bottle with breakfast, sometimes I'm drinking it up until a few minutes before I get into bed at night. Sometimes I nurse a bottle pretty much all day.
The habit. That's the biggest one for me. If I have a headache, I reach for a Pepsi. If I'm tired, a Pepsi. If I'm lonely, sad, happy, bored or motivated....
Pepsi!
Pepsi!
Pepsi!
PEPSI!
PEPSI!
PEPSI!!
When we got to a store, for any reason, I buy at least a 20 oz, sometimes a 2 liter, sometimes both. We got to a restaurant and I drink Diet Pepsi (Diet Coke is an acceptable substitute if Pepsi is unavailable, though I'd much prefer Pepsi). We take a trip and I have at least one bottle in the car with me, then buy more when we reach our destination. It has become my habit to have a Pepsi bottle in my hand, on the table next to me or in my cupholder.
It has become a point of contention between Bryant and myself on more than one occasion. He doesn't try to stop me from buying it, but he recognized a long time ago that I was out of control. I've scrounged change out of the couch cushions to buy Pepsi when money has been tight. I leave a little buffer in the grocery budget so I won't feel bad about spending a few dollars on Pepsi. I've asked Bryant to go out of his way to get it for me, even when he wasn't feeling well or the weather was bad.
Somehow, with all of that, I'd still convinced myself that it really wasn't a big deal. Until recently. A few weeks ago, Bryant half joking asked me, "Do you have any idea how much money we spend on Pepsi?" Obviously I didn't, but I was sure it couldn't be as bad as all that. I was sure he was just overreacting and it wasn't really a big deal.
Determined to show him that it really wasn't such a huge amount, I started a tracker on the back of one of my notebooks. I made a section for 2 liters, 1 liters, 20 oz bottles and Sam's cups. I decided not to track glasses at restaurants as those would come with the meal. I made a hash mark in the proper column each time we bought one.
After a week, I found myself adding hash marks and studiously avoiding looking at how many hash marks there already were. After two weeks, I actually considered "forgetting" to log a few because it was clearly getting to be a lot more hash marks than I'd expected.
This morning marks three weeks of tracking. I promised myself that would track for a month, but this morning as I was adding yet another hash mark, I decided it was a good time to just do a little progress check.
Wow.
I was shocked at the numbers. I debated whether or not to post them, but I figure if you're still reading this, maybe you want to know. Or maybe I should just put it out there anyway, because it's good for me to be completely honest about just how serious this problem is.
2 liters - 9 = 608.4 oz
1 liters - 4 = 85.2 oz
20 oz - 4 = 80 oz
Sam's glasses - 1 = 32 oz
That's a total of 805.6 oz in three weeks, not counting any Pepsi I've had at restaurants (which has been a few glasses). That breaks down to 38.36 oz per day. Yikes! If we use that information to answer Bryant's original question... Well, that's an ever bigger yikes!
Using general prices (as these were not all purchased from the same store so prices may vary a bit), that equals out to just about $30 in three weeks. That's about $10 a week or over $500 a year!
$500 a year?!? That's insane. I'm paying hundreds of dollars a year to pour poison into my body!
And, if you consider one of the points above was that I like to have Pepsi and junk food together, it gets even worse. I haven't tracked any junk, but just from memory I know that I've bought bags of chips, bags of candy, cookies and other junk. Sometimes it's just a tiny bag (snack size bag of Combos or cookies), sometimes it's a full size bag of Doritos.
I'm not quite ready to give up junk food, but as of this moment, I'm done with Pepsi. I've poured out the glass I was drinking and told Bryant that he could drink what was left in the bottle or I was going to pour it out, too.
Everything before this was written yesterday. I just reread it and I still feel the same way. It's been almost 24 hours since I had any Pepsi and I'm starting to feel the loss. Bryant and I made a quick trip to the grocery store a bit ago and it was really hard for me to walk out without any Pepsi. But I did it!
I feel like I should have some poignant, clever thing to end with, but my head is aching and I don't have anything witty, touching or particularly special to say, so I'll end with this:
Be good to your body and to each other.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
If I Were A Banned Book
Presented without commentary...
If I Were A Banned Book
Nov. 30, 2011
By William Henderson
If I were a banned book, I’d be the dirty bits and the heaving breasts and the twisted sheets and the scented oils and the chains and rope and dripping candle wax. I would coax you into multiples, and I would urge you to invite another. I’d be the empty bottle of gin on the kitchen table. I’d promise to call, but never would.
If I were a banned book, I’d tell you to challenge authority and question everything and demand answers. I’d tell you that the 1 percent is nothing without the rest of us labeling the 1 percent the 1 percent. I’d teach you to cook anarchy and embrace diversity and kiss your same-gender lover in public.
If I were a banned book, I’d let you ask me about sex and growing up, and I’d sing the caged-bird songs, and I’d be each of the nobodies who would answer to the name nobody. I’d teach you to sail a raft and swim against tides and dance in towns where dances aren’t danced.
If I were a banned book, I’d be the light on long-past midnight in your attic, and I’d be the cauldron around which dance witches and in which fire burns and toil and trouble doubles.
If I were a banned book, I’d bring flowers to the grave of a mouse and I’d teach you that forever sometimes means forever and sometimes means less than forever but always means what forever will mean to you, then, at that moment.
If I were a banned book, I’d be the secrets you write in your diary and I’d be the lies you write in your diary and I’d be the truths that you wish weren’t truths that you write in your diary.
If I were a banned book, I’d be cupboards and wardrobes and the hidden door under a stairwell in which lives the boy who lived. I’d be beanstalks and magic shoes and godmothers, winged and otherwise. I’d be potion poultice poetry. I’d be words wings wizardry.
If I were a banned book, I’d dance with insects outside of an enormous peach, and I’d race wolves in woods overgrown with ivy and snow. I’d be the substitute teacher who’d let you smoke cigarettes outside. I’d be the comic book hidden behind your history book.
If I were a banned book, I’d urge you to go ask Alice, and wrinkle time, and ride in talking cars. Everyday, I’d crown a new king fly-lord, and everyday would be a good day to say goodbye to something.
If I were a banned book, I’d be the Pigman and I’d be a Wallflower and I’d be the story of Sleeping Beauty, written under a penname. I’d kill mockingbirds and I’d talk about the things we talk about when we talk about things like death and love and sex and forever, which, as I already would have taught you, sometimes means less than forever but always mean what forever will mean to you, then, at that moment.
If I Were A Banned Book
Nov. 30, 2011
By William Henderson
If I were a banned book, I’d be the dirty bits and the heaving breasts and the twisted sheets and the scented oils and the chains and rope and dripping candle wax. I would coax you into multiples, and I would urge you to invite another. I’d be the empty bottle of gin on the kitchen table. I’d promise to call, but never would.
If I were a banned book, I’d tell you to challenge authority and question everything and demand answers. I’d tell you that the 1 percent is nothing without the rest of us labeling the 1 percent the 1 percent. I’d teach you to cook anarchy and embrace diversity and kiss your same-gender lover in public.
If I were a banned book, I’d let you ask me about sex and growing up, and I’d sing the caged-bird songs, and I’d be each of the nobodies who would answer to the name nobody. I’d teach you to sail a raft and swim against tides and dance in towns where dances aren’t danced.
If I were a banned book, I’d be the light on long-past midnight in your attic, and I’d be the cauldron around which dance witches and in which fire burns and toil and trouble doubles.
If I were a banned book, I’d bring flowers to the grave of a mouse and I’d teach you that forever sometimes means forever and sometimes means less than forever but always means what forever will mean to you, then, at that moment.
If I were a banned book, I’d be the secrets you write in your diary and I’d be the lies you write in your diary and I’d be the truths that you wish weren’t truths that you write in your diary.
If I were a banned book, I’d be cupboards and wardrobes and the hidden door under a stairwell in which lives the boy who lived. I’d be beanstalks and magic shoes and godmothers, winged and otherwise. I’d be potion poultice poetry. I’d be words wings wizardry.
If I were a banned book, I’d dance with insects outside of an enormous peach, and I’d race wolves in woods overgrown with ivy and snow. I’d be the substitute teacher who’d let you smoke cigarettes outside. I’d be the comic book hidden behind your history book.
If I were a banned book, I’d urge you to go ask Alice, and wrinkle time, and ride in talking cars. Everyday, I’d crown a new king fly-lord, and everyday would be a good day to say goodbye to something.
If I were a banned book, I’d be the Pigman and I’d be a Wallflower and I’d be the story of Sleeping Beauty, written under a penname. I’d kill mockingbirds and I’d talk about the things we talk about when we talk about things like death and love and sex and forever, which, as I already would have taught you, sometimes means less than forever but always mean what forever will mean to you, then, at that moment.
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