Keep calm and carry on

For the last several months I've been working on a very large, very secret project. It all started innocently enough - I wanted to try something new and challenging. I looked high and low for inspiration until one day, I stumbled upon this particular project. Mr. Wonderful was on board, so I was set up and ready to go in just a few days.

It was crazy difficult in the beginning. It took several tries (and a few tears) before I realized my mistake and got it right. After that it was just a matter of keeping up with it.

In the three months since I started this journey, I've learned a few things about myself. Most obvious to Mr. Wonderful (and something I probably should have paid more attention to) is that I get bored way too easily for a project that doesn't really change or evolve along the way. I've also had to accept the change in priorities, as this endeavor is eating up no less than three hours every single day, and sometimes as many as five.

I've had to abandon pleasure reading entirely, as well as most writing. I still jot down ideas and bits of poetry (should the muse descend), but most of my "spare" time is spent working toward this one goal.

There have been many times that I've simply thrown up my hands and declared that I'd never finish, so why bother going on. I've cried and yelled and belligerently ignored it. I've snapped at the kids to stay away from me while I'm working ("take three big steps backward") and Mr. Wonderful and I sit on opposite sides of the room in the evening, just so I have plenty of space.

Any sane person would probably wonder why I continue to torture myself this way. What could possibly be worth all this trouble? And the truth is, some days I wonder that myself. But then I remember why I'm doing it and it all makes sense. It all falls into place and I'm able to take a few deep breaths and dive back in, determined to not only finish, but to excel.